Unspoken words from a grieving soul
…what we wish you knew
It is inevitable! At some point in our lives, we will all grieve; grieve the loss of someone, a pet, a relationship, a career, a country…
In fact, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe using the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale have identified over 40 life experiences that can cause grief in a person’s life.
Over the course of one’s life, we will feel intense sorrow and it is just a part of life, the cycle of life they call it.
I am grieving the loss of my father. It has been two years; the interesting thing about grief is that you never actually stop grieving. The intense feeling of sorrow might stop being continuous but it comes and when it does it sweeps you off your feet and disorientates you.
In 1969, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, a psychiatrist working with terminally ill patients identified 5 stages of grief; denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Now because we do not always experience these stages in chronological order and the stages do not have specific timeframes, here are the things to do and absolutely not do around a grieving person, no matter how long they have been griefing
1) Be there! Do not ask a grieving person to let you know if there is anything they need, they will hardly ever do that. Just be there, your presence means the world
2) Stop asking questions! Yes, the curious mind wants to know what happens. You will find out in due time, what is most important is the present
3) Cut them a break! On the day of their loss, every year cut the grieving person a break. No matter how much time has passed, that day still carries a lot of emotions
4) Acknowledge the loss! Do not beat around the bush, do not try to bury the existence of the loss. Acknowledge it and let them feel validated
5) And finally do not give the grieving a time frame. Many times, we feel like we are good and can move on, and then a smell, a taste, a sound, a sight will throw us back into the intense sorrow.
Allow grievers the time to grieve for as long as they need
I am the director of research at Versa Research, a data, research & consulting company!
References
https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/blog/2013/03/over-40-life-experiences-you-might-have-cause-grief
