First comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes?
Surviving the first 365 days!
If you did not Google ‘How to get divorced’ within your first year of marriage then you are truly a saint. For those of us who did, no need to be ashamed of the act. According to Aimee Hartstein (and many other relationship psychotherapists), the first 365 days of marriage is the hardest whether or not you have been cohabitating or not.
You see, what happens is that there are a lot of stressors that arise from these new challenges you are facing as a couple for the first time, such as having combined finances, shared household & families responsibilities, juggling both your careers, and so on. Some might think, well cohabitating couples have already faced this so why is the first year of marriage still hard for them? Regardless of what the relationship looked like before marriage, marriage itself exaggerates every challenge because the stakes are seen as higher as marriage is more of a permanent union.
But there is a solution, no I am not speaking about divorce, there are practical tips you can apply during your first year of marriage to help navigate these challenges. In a previous article, I shared 4 tips on how to have better relationships. Now I am sharing tips on how to survive the first 365 days of marriage.
- Live a minimalistic life! Yes, you read that correctly. Researchers have found that materialism is correlated with lower marital satisfaction. Meaning those who place a high value on money and possessions are more likely to be less satisfied with their marriage. This makes a lot of sense, most of the arguments that occur in the first year arise from challenges of combining finances.
- Positively disagree! What an oxymoron I know but psychologist John Gottman, found that when people start a disagreement with positivity the situation is more easily de-escalated and the marriage is less likely to fail. Unlike when a disagreement is approached with negativity; criticism, contempt, defensiveness, withdrawal, and shutting down.
- And finally, be enthusiastically supportive! Research has found that couples who support each other and are genuinely interested in each other’s accomplishments are more likely to stay married. The act of supporting each other generates positive emotional experiences which is what needs to be built to cancel the negative emotions from the challenges.
And remember the first 365 days do not last forever, you just need to learn tips to help make it easier, adjust to the new normal, and trust me it does get better.
I am the director of research at Versa Research, a data, research & consulting company!
References
https://www.brides.com/story/the-first-year-of-marriage-is-tough
