Auto Pilot
“The day I died, I didn’t tell my body” ~ Unknown
This quote resonates so deeply with me. See, like the author, I too have felt my soul die — it was starved for about 5 years but I kept going on autopilot and so it eventually died. And now that I feel like my soul has been resurrected and is in tune with my body, I can finally talk about my experience. Well, I will talk about how I resurrected my soul because I am still unpacking what factors caused the starvation.
For me, feeling starved and eventually dead inside meant I had heightened anxiety; I distracted myself with busyness; I felt detached from everyday tasks but I kept going (this is where my autopilot was in full drive mode); I felt very high and then very low, I could not maintain my emotions.
These feelings were an accumulation of life experiences, some I perceived as negative and some as positive, which caused some trauma that I left unresolved. When I felt dead, I could not understand why. I am used to (and was always rewarded) for downplaying my emotions, thinking ‘oh it is not that bad’, and not making a fuss.
But friend, please make a fuss, you deserve to make a fuss, you deserve better. I realized (with the help of my therapist), that there is a better way of living.
PLUG IN: do not underestimate the value of therapy and talking through your feelings with a professional. I will include some details on where you can go to find some.
So here are some tips on how I fed my soul and was able to resurrect myself
- Speak to someone, bottling up your emotions just makes it worse
- Indulge in some vitamin D, no I do not mean the supplements, which are also great but go out and get some sunshine
- Absorb some vitamin N, I mean nature, go for nature walks or hikes and take in the healing smell of nature
- Stay still, stillness is so important and the whole idea of meditation is based on it, remove busyness and distractions and just stay still
- When you are feeling high, write a list of 3–5 activities that genuinely make you happy and have no financial costs attached to them. When you are low, go do these activities
- Also, speak to your parents, siblings or anyone who knew you when you were a child and ask them what you loved doing. Try doing that activity again to remember who you are and when you were the happiest.
I hope these tips help you as they have helped me. However, seeking help is the most important tip I can provide. Below is a non-exhaustive list of therapists; please note, I have received resources from only affordabletherapynetwork.com, providers.therapyforblackgirls.com and @the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram.
I am the director of research at Versa Research, a data, research & consulting company!
Finding a therapist
- affordabletherapynetwork.com
- providers.therapyforblackgirls.com
- @the.holistic.psychologist on Instagram
- bththerapy.com
- @mentallyawareng on Instagram
- therapytribe.com/online-therapy
- therapyroute.com/therapists
- 360psyche.com/service/online-therapy/
- @ND!D! on Instagram
